Owning padded butt underwear can apparently be a bit risky. Allow me to explain… Several years ago a friend of mine was looking very bootylicious in her jeans. She quietly told me that she was wearing a pair of underwear that had butt padding in it. Being a flat-butted human myself, I was intrigued.
I have always had a pretty flat butt. Do not be envious of me. I still gain weight, but it goes to my stomach, face, and arms. In the days of Kim Kardashian and J-Lo, big cheeks are in – but not in your face.
Consequences of Owning Padded Butt Underwear
Right after my friend had given me her butt-boosting secret, I invested in my own pair. After they arrived I could never bring myself to actually wear them. I was too nervous that it would be too obvious or that somehow someone would know I was wearing them. I have padded bras and don't care, but there's something different about these! So, they sat deep in the bottom of my underwear drawer for years.
Someone broke into our house. Now, remember what your parents have always told you — “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case of an emergency and a doctor needs to remove your clothes” — or something to that degree. Well, now it should be “Be sure to take inventory of all the ridiculous things you own in case someone breaks into your house and investigators need to go through all of your shit”. Yeah… quote that.
Of course, I am laughing about this now. The day this actually happened I was way too horrified to care about anything strewn about my house. I also didn't think to take a picture. (For once my blogger switch was actually turned off.)
In any case, once we were finally let back into our house after investigators took a thorough 2+ hours, I saw it… Right there in the midst of the wreckage — the butt. The burglar had tossed the entire house, including my padded butt underwear drawer and brought it all to the surface.
It was just one more kick in my flat ass that I happened to go to high school with one of the cops, who surely saw everything that I owned.
I know it could have been much worse, but I am definitely laughing about it now. (I am also happy that we are laughing again now.) But, you bet your bottom that I will keep this in mind if I ever think of buying anything even slightly embarrassing again!
P.S. I removed the padded butt underwear from the crime scene as soon as I was allowed. I don't even think my hubby saw it!
Have you ever purchased anything that you felt silly about later? Has anyone ever come across it?
Rainbow Crumbs for You
Weekly newsletter with our latest posts and shenanigans.