Owning padded butt underwear can apparently be a bit risky. Allow me to explain… Several years ago a friend of mine was looking very bootylicious in her jeans. She quietly told me that she was wearing a pair of underwear that had butt padding in it. Being a flat-butted human myself, I was intrigued.
I have always had a pretty flat butt. Do not be envious of me. I still gain weight, but it goes to my stomach, face, and arms. In the days of Kim Kardashian and J-Lo, big cheeks are in – but not in your face.
Consequences of Owning Padded Butt Underwear
Right after my friend had given me her butt-boosting secret, I invested in my own pair. After they arrived I could never bring myself to actually wear them. I was too nervous that it would be too obvious or that somehow someone would know I was wearing them. I have padded bras and don’t care, but there’s something different about these! So, they sat deep in the bottom of my underwear drawer for years.
Until…
Someone broke into our house. Now, remember what your parents have always told you — “Make sure you wear clean underwear in case of an emergency and a doctor needs to remove your clothes” — or something to that degree. Well, now it should be “Be sure to take inventory of all the ridiculous things you own in case someone breaks into your house and investigators need to go through all of your shit”. Yeah… quote that.
Of course, I am laughing about this now. The day this actually happened I was way too horrified to care about anything strewn about my house. I also didn’t think to take a picture. (For once my blogger switch was actually turned off.)
In any case, once we were finally let back into our house after investigators took a thorough 2+ hours, I saw it… Right there in the midst of the wreckage — the butt. The burglar had tossed the entire house, including my padded butt underwear drawer and brought it all to the surface.
It was just one more kick in my flat ass that I happened to go to high school with one of the cops, who surely saw everything that I owned.
I know it could have been much worse, but I am definitely laughing about it now. (I am also happy that we are laughing again now.) But, you bet your bottom that I will keep this in mind if I ever think of buying anything even slightly embarrassing again!
P.S. I removed the padded butt underwear from the crime scene as soon as I was allowed. I don’t even think my hubby saw it!
Have you ever purchased anything that you felt silly about later? Has anyone ever come across it?
Shelley says
January 15, 2014 at 6:55 amThis is HILARIOUS! Totally has me thinking about all the embarrassing things they’d find in my drawers if this happened to me… not to mention an unorganized mess. :/ So sorry your home was violated like that! It’s awesome of you to get through it and find the humor in it now!
Ellen Christian says
January 15, 2014 at 7:51 amOh my. My butt totally does NOT need any extra padding 🙂
Dawn Lopez says
January 15, 2014 at 8:56 amThis is HYSTERICAL! Except of course the part that you were robbed.. that is completely terrible! You won’t believe that I also had padded butt wear at some point. Too funny! Glad I did toss that out a while ago because that would be mortifying!
Tara says
January 15, 2014 at 2:45 pmLOL – I love this! Thanks for the laugh. I don’t know if it’s fortunate or not that I don’t need that kind of extra padding, but regardless, I haven’t had anything like that happen to me – yet.
Mama to 5 BLessings says
January 15, 2014 at 3:25 pmLOL! I do not need padded underwear I have enough of my own padding on my backside! Yes, I have purchased items in the past and regretted it!
Pam says
January 15, 2014 at 5:23 pmThat is too funny, other than the robbery. I’m glad you can laugh about it now.
Shauna says
January 15, 2014 at 6:59 pmOh my goodness, I can’t imagine… I have no bum, but have never thought of getting a pair, lol… What a day you had… first to be so violated by a break in, then to find your butt underwear in the middle of it all 🙁
Jennifer says
January 15, 2014 at 10:01 pmYep, just one of those things that sounded like a great idea at the time. lol Not so much now!
Joanna Sormunen says
January 15, 2014 at 7:33 pmThis is so funny! I’m sorry, you must have been mortified but it is funny.
Kayla @ TheEclecticElement says
January 15, 2014 at 8:35 pmIt’s still unfortunate that your house got broken in to but at least some positive things came from it like “The Butt” story and your guys’ laughter from it 🙂
That is TOO funny! Thankfully I’ve never had to buy anything like that for myself; I have a big butt and I love it! LOL
Jennifer says
January 15, 2014 at 10:00 pmYes, Kayla, you are very bootylicious. 😉 LOL
Jodi @ A Mom Having Fun says
January 16, 2014 at 12:05 amThat is way too funny! I well needed laugh though. I am so glad you are able to find humor in anything from that day. I have to agree with you about them looking fake. My youngest daughter has a bootie on her. We have already discussed how my husband will have to lock her in her room when she gets in those e
Heather @ It's a Lovely Life! says
January 16, 2014 at 2:22 amI can’t stop laughing! This is one of the funniest things I can remember! I can’t think of anything really embarrassing that I’ve bought lately… but I’m sure there was something!
Robin (Masshole Mommy) says
January 16, 2014 at 7:45 amI laugh every time I see these. I have more than enough natural padding and I can’t imagine why having a flat butt would be a bad thing?
Jennifer says
January 16, 2014 at 8:59 amIt’s not a bad thing! And the older I get, the more I learn to love the body that I have. Just a brief silly purchase that came back to haunt me. 😉
Stefani says
January 16, 2014 at 2:52 pmI don’t think I could ever wear these either. I would walk around thinking everyone knew I had a fake booty. LOL…
Jennifer says
January 16, 2014 at 10:09 pmExactly! Like what if it shifts a little and you end up with a crooked booty.. just too risky. lol
Brett says
January 16, 2014 at 7:27 pmOmg. I laughed so hard I snorted. Tears.
Jennifer says
January 16, 2014 at 10:09 pmAwesome. That’s what I was going for, Brett. Snorts. 😉
Brandy at MVL says
March 5, 2014 at 12:28 pmOMG thanks for the laugh. I am dying over here… hilarious!
Jennifer says
March 5, 2014 at 6:35 pmHey, anytime! 😉
Jennifer Hiles says
March 14, 2014 at 7:44 pmHahaha, this is too funny! Loved the story.
Tamra Phelps says
December 19, 2014 at 3:24 pmOk, this made me laugh out loud for real! You know, compared to the things cops find in drawers, I bet they just shrugged over your ‘extra butt.’