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Parenting Advice… Help

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My son, Adam, 10, has his first “girlfriend.” At first I thought this was cute. Now, I’m somewhat horrified. She calls my cell phone and the house line daily. She has wonderful manners on the phone when I answer but I am shocked at her bravery and persistence. When I was in fifth grade, I would never have had the guts to call a boy–especially knowing I was calling his MOM’S cell phone!

Adam note
adam note 2

Now, I’m finding notes…

My first question was “What the heck happened on Tuesday?!”
He said he heard that a boy was calling her and he told him to stop at recess.
I know where Adam is at all times so I’m not too worried. He’s 10. But, I was a young mom and do not want to be an even younger grandma! I feel like now is the time to set a foundation here…
When I read this note…

I decided it’s time to get some outside opinions. I am shocked at the language usage and potential innuendo. Maybe I’m just overreacting? :/
What would you do?

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Crunchy Con Mom

Saturday 7th of January 2012

I think it's time to chat with your son about what your family and your religion see as the purpose of dating. For us, the purpose of dating is to find a spouse, and at 10 you're too young to look for a spouse. So no dating. End of story. That being said, I didn't grow up with those rules and I had a "boyfriend" in 5th grade that I hardly talked to, and I am not really alarmed at those notes. And I think posting them online and showing them to teachers is a huge violation of privacy. If my mom had done that I would've totally freaked out & been secretive from her forever. But I know your intentions were good, and that makes you an awesome mom. Just wanted to offer my opinion!

NYC SingleMom

Saturday 7th of January 2012

I have an 8 yr old girl and this makes me so afraid that she might ever do this. The little girl does sound so mature. I do think I would call the parents only because, boys (and I dont know your son to generalize) have a tendency to be goofy when you ask them questions so you may never get any thing out of him. Good luck.

Diane

Monday 14th of November 2011

Ugh my boyfriend had a 10 year old daughter who is "dating" a 6th grader. The drama that insues is mind boggling. They don't go on "dates" or talk on the phone but they consider it "dating". It all started when the current boyfriends friend asked her out. She said no and he got all pissed and slapped her behind and gave her the finger so she told her teacher and the principal. And then told us that she cant "help it how cute she is" and that all the boys like her. So shes now "dating" that kids friend. I thought my boyfriend was going to go though the roof. He told her to stop flirting with older boys. I told her how dating in elementary school is akward because you are stuck together all day, and when you break up, you still see each other everyday for all day. Plus since the class size is so small, everyone knows your business and will gossip about you.

Those notes would have me worried too, they MAY be just innocent but in this day and age you just never know. My bfs daughter has already asked about S-E-X because her 16 year old aunt just had a baby and she sees stuff on tv at home (we keep it on disney when she is over). Luckily it has been drilled in her head that having a baby while you are still in school is not the proper thing to do, but she had heard "stuff" about other "stuff" you could get. Kids at school apparantly have nothing better to talk about in 5th grade. Her mom had given her a book, but lets face it a kid isnt going to sit down and read a book. He explained a very watered down version of STD's and how birthcontrol wont prevent any of them and how sometimes you don't even know someone has one because you can't tell by looking. He explained that if she ever wants to talk he is there, and while he knows in highschool she will probably "do it" even though he wont want her to, he wants her to be open and honest about it to be safe. Thank goodness she has always been open with him about all kinds of random stuff. She saw an episode of degrassi high where the kids were doing coke so obviously she had a lot of questions which he answered but luckily the show also explained the consequences. As much as it pains him to have these types of discussions so early, he would rather her know the truth, than hear some random miss information on the playground or school bus. He has also explained what they talk about is not material for the school bus or friends because other parents might want to explain it to their child in their own way.

Shelley

Saturday 19th of November 2011

Thank you so much for your response Diane! Gosh, I hate how fast these kids are learning things that rob you of your childhood... What happened to playing with Barbies and other toys? To be honest, I'm not as worried about boys, my son in particular, as I am about the girls. They seem to be the ones so aggressive on the topic.

UPDATE: My son came home yesterday and said "Nikki dumped me." He wasn't sad or upset at all. He really hasn't shown much emotion through this whole thing. As for the notes, I brought them to parent-teacher conferences (both teachers were shocked at the content as well) and they said they will have the school social worker have a non-nonchalant chat about this whole topic.

Thank you so much for all your feedback! <3

Mellisa

Sunday 13th of November 2011

I have a 7 year old and while I haven't had to deal with this type of stuff yet, I know it's coming soon! Kids now move ALOT faster than we did due to the things they see on TV, etc. Even if you shelter your kids and keep them away from the crap on TV alot of parents don't and your kids will be exposed to it at school. My advice would just to talk with him and have that open honesty where he can talk to you and let you know what is going on.

Karen Greenberg

Saturday 12th of November 2011

Wow, I would want to know if my daughter was writing this type of thing to a boy. I know she has crushes, but using those words seems a little over the top. My daughter is 10, too. I would call and speak with her parents to be honest. Then again, being the mother of two daughters makes me a little paranoid. I agree that I don't want to be a young grandmother.

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