Social Awkwardness: Hugging Edition

Hugging now seems to be the universal greeting for most humans. It seems like this happened somewhere around the year 2000, or perhaps that’s just when I started noticing it.

Growing up, there wasn’t a lot of hugging going on. I am not sure if we were just a rigid family, or if I just blocked it out. In any case, sometimes I am still caught off guard with a sudden embrace as a greeting.

I am just an awkward human in general. I have always been a bit clumsy, floppy, fidgety, twitchy, and just not relaxed in social settings. This is why I used to drink a lot. I slowly learned that that just amplified everything, so definitely not the answer.

Social Awkwardness: Hugging

What I am left with now is a few different scenarios. None of which result in a normal hug.

• Guy taller than me: Face in armpit.
  When a tall guy gives me a hug, I faceplant right into his armpit or shoulder. It never fails. And I never cease to be horrified when I glance at the area where I landed to find a makeup smear or other evidence that I cannot pull it together.
  
• Guy my height: I am pretty short, so this hasn’t happened yet.
  I can only guess that I would probably headbutt the poor lad.
  
• Girl my height: Eat some hair.
  If a girl the same height as me comes in for a hug I will probably step away with her hair in my mouth or attached to my lip gloss.
  
• Girl taller than me: Nosedive into a boob.
  There’s no smooth way to recover from an unintentional boob graze. Especially with your face.

Now to make things even more awkward, I just automatically hug people whether that was their plan or not.

I figure if I am the one to go in first that I will be less awkward. Then I say something like, “I am a hugger!” to make things even more weird. That’s also a lie because I’m clearly not a hugger.

Ah, life. This is why I am so content to sit here with my animals behind the screen!

Does hugging come naturally to you? Or can you relate to my social awkwardness?